Things I'm Thinking About

Tag: roots

Bay Blood

It’s wedding weekend. My nephew on my husband’s side is getting married on Saturday. My sister-in-law flew in from Colorado this morning, and after a lunch at her favorite spot–Saul’s on Shattuck–we drove to the San Francisco airport to pick up my mother-in-law, who flew in from Oregon. Tomorrow more family will arrive from Colorado, Oregon and Southern California. We are a typical, far-flung family.

We ordered pizza and opened some wine and sat in the living room chatting. Two of the kids were home and joined us. Our conversation ranged from politics to old family stories.

My mother-in-law’s memories took us back to her elementary school days, when the family lived in Oakland’s Dimond District. After they moved to Walnut Creek, there were Friday nights out with friends cruising “the Main,” and late night races through the Caldecott Tunnel, using all the lanes and praying there wasn’t any oncoming traffic

One story led to another. My mother-in-law remembered a time in high school when she went out dancing with a date to the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco, and her date’s car lost its brakes on California Avenue and careened backwards down the steep street into a parking garage where they came to a stop. She was terrified, but somehow they were safe.

After marriage and kids, the family was true to their Bay Area teams. Apparently she was a very vocal fan at A’s and Raiders’ games. My husband inherited this trait, as those of you who have watched sports with him can attest.

We heard about the excitement (and an unfortunate loss of bladder control) when she was in the stadium for the famous “Heidi Game,”  when the Raiders pulled out a miracle victory. The network had stopped coverage of the football game and started playing the movie Heidi, causing fans watching at home to miss the last-minute touchdown that won the game. She also remembered going to LA to see the A’s in the World Series, and is still upset about that unlikely final home run by a guy with an injured leg that gave the series to the Dodgers.

The kids were amazed. They hadn’t realized how deep their Bay Area roots go. As far back as they remember, Grandma has lived in Oregon, but tonight they connected with the fact that their grandparents and their dad are Bay born and raised. They feel a new sense of belonging; their love of the Bay now justified. No wonder this feels like home–it’s in their blood.

I thought they knew this family lore, but somehow it didn’t get transferred. We better keep on talking–there are lots more stories to tell.

My Grandmother’s Dishes

I was at the Good Will store a few months ago, searching among the glassware for cocktail glasses. Not the giant margarita glasses with the name of a restaurant on them, or the  martini glasses given away as a favor at a company party. I was looking for fancy crystal or fine glass in unique shapes. I found a delicate pair with hollow stems, a few with etched designs, and some with elegant, curvy shapes and colored stems. We planned to use them at a wedding shower for a fun, retro touch.

As I was moving things around and peering behind the less interesting items, a familiar blue and white pattern caught my eye. It was a little stack of dishes and a cup in the Currier and Ives pattern that I remembered from holidays at my grandparents’ house.

The dishes were sold at department stores, but could be collected piece by piece at the supermarket. I’m not sure how my grandparents came by the dishes, but I love the idea of my grandmother putting her set together week by week as she did the family marketing.

All the pieces have a Currier and Ives print on them, with names like The Old Grist Mill, The Old Farm Gate, Schoolhouse in Winter, and The Return from the Pasture. As a child at my grandparents’ table, I loved finding the different pictures and imaging life in their idyllic settings. The images of Getting Ice and Maple Sugaring captured my imagination about life in the “old days.”

Nostalgia made it impossible for me to leave the lonely, abandoned dishes behind. I came home with a vegetable bowl, two soup bowls, a dessert plate, a saucer and a coffee cup. I felt a little silly about it, but the thrift store pricing made it a small indulgence. I left them in the plastic bag, wrapped up in newspaper for a few days, like little stowaways. I did not need them, and probably wouldn’t actually use them, but I wanted to have them–a solid thing that represented memories of my grandparents and my childhood. These are not the actual dishes we used, obviously–but the forgotten feelings they brought back were so strong and sweet that I wanted to take them home.

I eventually unwrapped them, washed and dried them carefully to welcome them home, and tucked them away in the white, built-in cabinet where I store china, vases and knick-knacks. I remembered them today, and took the coffee cup out to use for my morning coffee. Gazing at the scene of a girl in an open carriage pulled by two prancing horses, I thought of my grandmother in her apron, fussing over gravy in the kitchen, my favorite pumpkin pie and coffee after a traditional Christmas feast, and our boisterous games of Pit after the table was cleared. I pictured my grandfather’s large hands holding the small handle of the cup, telling us stories about growing up on a farm in Michigan.

Such warm and vivid memories. They feel like the pictures on my grandparents’ dinnerware–scenes I wish I could step into and experience again.

On the Deck 2008

A day at our cabin in the Boulder Ridge, near Laramie, Wyoming. Back when summertime meant all the kids were home with us.

In the early morning, it’s cool and quiet on the deck. The kids sleep late. Steve gets up first and  hikes up to the promontory overlooking the beaver pond, hoping to see some wildlife. The elk, moose and deer are active in the cover of darkness, but before the sun is up for long, the noise of our family scares them back into hiding. Soon he’s back, whistling a tune and getting the day started.

I sleep in, at least until the coffee is ready, then go out to my favorite chair, barefoot and still in my nightgown. Sometimes I sit facing the hummingbird feeder, the big pine tree, and the distant ridge, but usually I sit facing the other way, looking toward the aspen grove. This is the view I dream of, the one I call to mind when I need a serene image to dwell on–when I’m having dental work done or when I’m trying to distract an upset child from a nightmare. I don’t need a book or anything to do; I am content to sit and soak up the air and the sky and the trees. The air smells like warm pine and loamy dirt as the sun heats up the earth. The sky is clear, bright blue before the afternoon thunder clouds billow up. The aspen leaves shimmer and jump at the slightest breath of breeze, whispering ancient forest words.

It’s not long before the kids start to trickle out of the cabin, across the deck to the outhouse. Some join us on the deck with a cup of coffee, but the stillness of the morning keeps us quiet, enjoying the slow, easy start to the day. The youngest boy is impatient for breakfast and for his brother to get up, so they can start of the business of finding secret forts and having air-soft wars. Oliver, our golden retriever, is restless too, ready for the woods, the animal smells, his all-day running and exploring. There’s a vole or a mouse teasing him in the wood pile, but as soon as anyone stands up and heads for the gate, he leaves his post there and scampers down the driveway, ears perked up, stopping only to look back to make sure we are coming before bounding ahead again.

Once breakfast is eaten and cleaned up, I go back out on the deck again, this time under the umbrella’s shade. The hummingbirds are busy by mid-morning, quarreling and chasing each other in dive-bombing acrobatics that have us squealing and ducking. There’s room for four tiny birds on the feeder, but each one wants it to himself. These green-brown birds, with the iridescent red spot on their throats, migrate by the deck in the summer, stopping for some sugar water when we are here. The boys take turns standing completely still by the feeder, hands resting on the red top, until the little birds forget that they are there and land on their fingers, lighting first with wings still humming, then coming to a rest on the human perch. Sometimes a larger, metallic-gold colored hummingbird arrives and chases all the others away, a beautiful bossy bird we wish would leave our friends alone.

Late morning, it’s time for another cup of coffee, chatting, maybe thinking about a trip into town later, or starting the new book I picked out for these perfectly, gloriously open days at the cabin. There’s no clock on the deck, and I don’t wear my watch or compulsively check my phone like I do at home. The sun, forcing me to move to find fresh shade, and hunger pangs–usually the kids’–are the only time keepers. Lunch soon comes and goes, and then I may take a hike down to the meadow where the giant Aspen tree stands and the spring gurgles up through the grass.  Before long, I end up back on the deck, maybe with a beer this time.

The morning’s stillness has given way to the flurry of a big family, with conversations starting and trailing off as people come and go, playing, arguing, laughing, teasing–busy about the work of the cabin, whether that’s simply relaxing or working on a project. The afternoons often bring clouds, immense thunderheads pushing higher and higher, the tops brilliant white against the blue sky and the undersides dark, threatening rain. If it doesn’t rain hard or hail, I’ll stay out under the big umbrella and watch the storm race through. After it’s passed, the sun is back, the woods smell clean and mossy, and the deck dries quickly.

As the afternoon wanes, it’s time to think about dinner, and after that, a campfire is on the kids’ minds. They are ready for roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. By the time we’ve made and eaten our fill, sang the old favorites, and told the scary stories about Big Foot and the deadly blue mist, the last of the sunset has left the sky. The moon is rising, and the stars appear in the darkening sky. The fire has died down to embers, finally perfect for marshmallows, but we’ve had enough. The fire is still perfect, though, for staring into while talking in low voices in the moonlight.  One by one, people leave, picking  their way back over the rocks and logs to the cabin.

We go in partly because it’s chilly, and partly because the mosquitoes are on the hunt once the smokiness of the campfire dies down. For me, though, it’s mostly because it’s too dark. This part of the Rocky Mountains is home to abundant wildlife–not just moose, elk and deer, but predators like black bear, coyote and mountain lion. During the day, this doesn’t bother me. While I haven’t actually seen them, there’s Boulder Ridge lore about these hunters, and it’s not unusual to see bear or cat scat on a hike, or to hear coyotes  yipping and barking at night. When I can’t see into the layers of black-outlined trees, I’m afraid. The night is thick. I can hear the leaves rustling, their words menacing now in the wind. I imagine something right there, seeing me, haunches rocking, ready to pounce.

My stomach feels tight and jumpy, my muscles ache from clenching. I wish my insides would settle down so I could stay out on the deck, especially on moonless nights, the darkest nights, when the stars–so many, many more than I can see at home in a city night sky–pop out, and the Milky Way is a bright swoosh across the black, star-sparkling sky. I want to sit and soak it up like I do the day-time scene, but I end up scurrying into the safety of the cabin walls and light after only a few minutes, teeth chattering. Our domain, so welcoming during the day, reverts to it’s wild inhabitants at nightfall.

If it’s chilly, we light the cozy wood stove, and bring our reading and games and conversations inside until we are ready to go to bed. We are safe in our snug little home, and another day–my favorite kind of day, in a place I love–is done.

More Science than Art

Preserving food–canning–is more science than art. The acidity, temperature and sterilization are all crucial to ensure that the end product, a jar of tomatoes or peaches or pickles, is safe to eat.

Fruits and vegetables must be at the peak of ripeness, with no bruising or mold. Sugar or acid, such as salt, lemon juice or vinegar, must be present in sufficient amounts. Food and liquid needs to come to a certain height in the jar, with headroom to allow expansion, but not to compromise the seal. The lids must be new, the jars must be free of nicks or cracks, clean and hot, and the water they are processed in must be be deep enough to cover the jars by an inch, boiling constantly for the prescribed amount of time to kill any bacteria in the food. The lids must seal, with their distinctive pop when the flexible middle of the lid pulls in as the contents cool, creating a suction that protects the food from outside air and contaminants.

There isn’t much room for creative interpretation of the instructions. The story of the unfortunate canner who erred in some crucial step, and paid dearly by dropping dead from one taste of a green bean from a contaminated jar keeps would-be experimenters in line.

Canning is not required for survival the way it once was. Before canned goods were readily available at the grocery store, preserving the harvest in warm months was essential to eating in the cold months when the garden was asleep beneath frozen earth. It still may be the best way to cope with a prolific garden, when there are more tomatoes or beets than can be reasonably consumed, but it is not a hungry winter that compels the modern-day canner.

For me, it is the desire to keep bounty from going to waste, and to preserve it for enjoyment later. There is romance to capturing the abundance of the season, whether from my garden, the farmers market, the neighbor’s fruit tree, or even the grocery store when produce is sweet and cheap. It is a way to reconnect with the values taken for granted by our great-grandparents–local, organic, in-season food prepared simply, so the natural flavors and nutrition are preserved and savored.

There is a wholeness to home-canned foods that is missing from grocery store cans. It isn’t big business, it’s personal. The peaches that grace the table in February were lugged home in August, peeled and pitted and snugged into jars, fitted with lids, carefully submerged in a boiling-water bath, then cleaned and dried an tucked away for the day when the only fruit the market has to offer is bananas from Ecuador and apples from Australia. The peaches in cans at the store can’t have been as lovingly prepared, and whether the taste is markedly different or not, the  experience of serving and eating them is unique.

A home-canned jar, taken from the limited stores in the pantry, is like a gift. The gentle whoosh as the lid lifts, breaking the seal that kept summer ripeness safely locked inside, the glugging of the contents into a bowl or pan,  and the aroma of the preserves recreate the ambiance of the hot kitchen at the peak of harvest.

The delight is not just in the serving, it’s also in the the storing. Rows of white pears, golden peaches, orange salsa, red tomatoes, ruby pickled beets, purple plums, brown cinnamon-spiced applesauce and green pickles line the pantry shelves, a rainbow of well-being.

As I survey my work, there’s a sense of fullness and readiness for the dormant season. As the cold months count down to spring, the jars are emptied and returned, and the color drains from the the shelves just as the the first blooms of forsythia, then lilac, begin to color the landscape and fill the air with a sweet scent; no fruit yet, but the promise is in the air.

Somewhere along the way, art mixes with science and the two are intertwined. The science of preserving food is necessary for the process, but the the labor and the sharing blend into the food to create something that feels more like art.

Culture Shock

Moving here felt like moving to a different country. I think it took a year to feel comfortable–to know where to find parking, where to shop, how to get around–to master the details of daily life.

Such narrow streets. So many pedestrians. Crazy, horn-blowing, illegal U-turning drivers. Where were all the usual chain stores and restaurants I knew and loved? Even Safeway felt foreign, with a security guard watching me as I roamed it’s small, crowed aisles. Every day, it felt like an accomplishment to come home and park–two wheels up on the curb so emergency vehicles can get by–safely in front of my house after a foray downtown.

The community, though, is  warmer and friendlier than I thought it would be. I was prepared for cool detachment, people too busy with city life to have relationships. I was wrong. People have deep roots, and many have grown up here, some in the same house for generations.   The small shops and unique restaurants, the streets lined with shady trees and old, quaint homes felt solid, anchored. I did not expect that. I thought I would find isolated people, superficial relationships, a cold and hard place.

The city feels like a small town. It’s the rootedness, the focus on local businesses.  It feels connected also because the school district actively  integrates the schools, by busing students and by having only one large high school. Your neighborhood includes much more of the city when your school is all the way across town. Without these sometimes-controversial policies (the district has been sued for reverse discrimination), there would quickly become “good” schools in the more expensive neighborhoods and “bad” schools in the less pricey areas. The Hills and The Flats.

These policies became real  for us when our kids were not assigned to the the lovely elementary school two blocks away from our house; they were bused to a school downtown, while others from down the hill come up to our neighborhood.

My first thoughts were not joy at this tangible example of justice and equality. They were more along the lines of feeling wronged, judged by my race and zip-code. It’s not fair that I should have to suffer, that my kids should ride the bus for an hour each way to attend a school with lower academic performance. I started thinking about how to protest, force the issue, get what I wanted for my children.

Another thought came tumbling in, though: an awareness of my privilege, my power, and a sense of how flexing those muscles runs counter to the ideals I said I wanted my children to discover and own. I agree with the purpose of the bussing. I love that Berkeley cares about every child receiving a good education. Can I then say I don’t want my kids to participate?

Here’s the reality: My kids have everything they need. They have supportive, involved parents. They are never cold, hungry, or alone. They will go to college if they want to. They lack nothing, really. I don’t have to go scraping and scratching to snatch up the best of everything.

Now, all have moved through elementary and middle school, and looking back, I’m satisfied with their experience at their school in The Flats. It was an involved, caring community. They made good friends, and met back up with some of them in high school after going to different middle schools. It was a broadening experience for all of us. Not what I would have chosen. Better than that.

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