Things I'm Thinking About

Tag: growing up (Page 1 of 2)

My Grandmother’s Dishes

I was at the Good Will store a few months ago, searching among the glassware for cocktail glasses. Not the giant margarita glasses with the name of a restaurant on them, or the  martini glasses given away as a favor at a company party. I was looking for fancy crystal or fine glass in unique shapes. I found a delicate pair with hollow stems, a few with etched designs, and some with elegant, curvy shapes and colored stems. We planned to use them at a wedding shower for a fun, retro touch.

As I was moving things around and peering behind the less interesting items, a familiar blue and white pattern caught my eye. It was a little stack of dishes and a cup in the Currier and Ives pattern that I remembered from holidays at my grandparents’ house.

The dishes were sold at department stores, but could be collected piece by piece at the supermarket. I’m not sure how my grandparents came by the dishes, but I love the idea of my grandmother putting her set together week by week as she did the family marketing.

All the pieces have a Currier and Ives print on them, with names like The Old Grist Mill, The Old Farm Gate, Schoolhouse in Winter, and The Return from the Pasture. As a child at my grandparents’ table, I loved finding the different pictures and imaging life in their idyllic settings. The images of Getting Ice and Maple Sugaring captured my imagination about life in the “old days.”

Nostalgia made it impossible for me to leave the lonely, abandoned dishes behind. I came home with a vegetable bowl, two soup bowls, a dessert plate, a saucer and a coffee cup. I felt a little silly about it, but the thrift store pricing made it a small indulgence. I left them in the plastic bag, wrapped up in newspaper for a few days, like little stowaways. I did not need them, and probably wouldn’t actually use them, but I wanted to have them–a solid thing that represented memories of my grandparents and my childhood. These are not the actual dishes we used, obviously–but the forgotten feelings they brought back were so strong and sweet that I wanted to take them home.

I eventually unwrapped them, washed and dried them carefully to welcome them home, and tucked them away in the white, built-in cabinet where I store china, vases and knick-knacks. I remembered them today, and took the coffee cup out to use for my morning coffee. Gazing at the scene of a girl in an open carriage pulled by two prancing horses, I thought of my grandmother in her apron, fussing over gravy in the kitchen, my favorite pumpkin pie and coffee after a traditional Christmas feast, and our boisterous games of Pit after the table was cleared. I pictured my grandfather’s large hands holding the small handle of the cup, telling us stories about growing up on a farm in Michigan.

Such warm and vivid memories. They feel like the pictures on my grandparents’ dinnerware–scenes I wish I could step into and experience again.

Patchwork Holiday

It’s the day before Thanksgiving.

The air is chilly for a Bay Area day–the high temperature only in the 50’s. The trees are in full fall color after stretching the season out as long as they could, finally starting to fill the streets and sidewalks with their lovely, crunchy litter. The leaves on my persimmon tree are bright orange and yellow, with the shiny, deep-orange persimmons peeking through. Soon, the leaves will drop, leaving the fruit hanging like ornaments on the black tree limbs.

Two of the kids are on their way home now, flying into the Oakland airport. I can’t sit still waiting, hurrying the minutes along until I see them, hug them, gather them home. Another will be home this evening, lugging a case of wine she picked out for the holidays. I got their rooms all ready, pillows plumped and extra blankets on the bed, and I gave the dog a good scrubbing yesterday.

I’ve got plans for them–food to make, shopping to do, restaurants to visit, movies to watch. They may have plans too, and friends to see, but for this afternoon and tomorrow at least, they are my babies again.

The 21-pound turkey is in the fridge, and ten pounds of potatoes, 6 pounds of brussels sprouts and 5 pounds of apples are waiting to be peeled and chopped. Day-old loaves of sourdough bread are ready to be cubed, toasted and combined with sage and thyme and rosemary for stuffing. The four pounds of butter I bought will disappear, I know from experience, into pie crusts, stuffing, rolls and other deliciousness before tomorrow is over.

Three of the kids won’t be around the Thanksgiving table this year; two have to work, another will be at her boyfriend’s family celebration. Two of them will be home for parts of the weekend to see everyone and enjoy leftovers. Plans are forming to get the Christmas tree on Friday; they can all be together for that tradition, if not for the feast.

One of my sisters will join us tomorrow with her family, but my other sister will have a lonelier holiday, with only her two girls there. A snow storm threatening the Rocky Mountain region–perhaps the same storm that brought us rain and these chilly days, moving east now–is keeping our parents from joining her, and stranding them alone for the holiday too.

Together and apart, on the holiday and after, it’s the dance of family, and it leaves me both filled and empty, sometimes at the same time. I will have some here, close, literally in my arms, I will be looking for some, waiting for them to arrive, and I will be missing others, aching for them, worried that they are lonely.

This is how it will be as children grow up and we all grow older, this patchwork of togetherness–seeing some here, others there, now and later, bringing greetings, sending hugs. I’m thankful for all these moments–here or on the way or somewhere else, and dream of a day when we will all be together at the same time.

For now, though, I’m off to the airport.

You Can Always Come Home

The day a child moves away from home is always emotional. It’s exciting to be going to college, a new living space or off on an adventure. It’s a little sad, too, especially for the mama staying behind, to say good-bye to a little nestling as they spread their wings and leave home.

They will be back, I know.  Once they move out, though, they don’t live with us the same way again. When they return, it feels more like a visit. Even if they move back for a longer period, there is a different dynamic. They have lived on their own and don’t want to be treated like a child.

When they leave, I’m not sentimental  about the space they vacated. Either a sibling moves in, claiming the better room, or the room is repurposed, maybe becoming an office or guest room. The rooms and furniture get shuffled around, and personal belongings that don’t go with the one moving out are boxed up and stored in the garage.

This might sound a little harsh, but I’m not trying to kick them out or keep them away–I sometimes wish they could stay here forever. I started doing it this way when the first few moved out, because it was necessary to shift and shuffle in order to use our space better. Now that we’re down to just three in the house, we have a new development: extra room.

It doesn’t stay empty for long, though. Opportunities to share our extra space come up often–friends visiting or in town on business, grandparents coming for a football game or graduation,  aunts and uncles and cousins here for holidays or just passing through–to name a few.

My favorite times are when the house is full with all my babies home, tucked into bed warm and safe, all of us together. I want them to know that no matter how far away they go, this is their home. They always have a place here–it just may not be the same place every time. Sometimes, it might be on the couch.

I hope the love of the family embraces and restores them when they come home, no matter which room they set down their suitcase and nestle into bed.

Game Day

“You went to UC Berkeley? But you’re so normal!” Living in Colorado, this was the kind of response we got to our Alma Mater. Berkeley, apparently, has a reputation that doesn’t translate well into midwestern Suburbia.

When we moved back to California in 2003, our Cal school spirit was awakened and we started going as a family to watch Golden Bears football on Saturday. Being back on campus made Steve and I feel like kids again, and all our children loved the excitement. It was one of the few things that everyone in the family–from second grade to high school–loved to do.

Whether is was the new Cal gear from the student store, the intriguing older students, the fun of the traditions, the stadium hot dogs, soda and cotton candy, or the game itself, everyone enjoyed our days packed into the wooden seats of the family section at Memorial Stadium.

Every fall since then–with the exception of the year we couldn’t bear to watch loss after humiliating loss–has been shaped by Cal’s home-game schedule. The number of season tickets has  dwindled, though, as kids graduate and leave home, and the smaller the group gets, the stronger the pull of other activities becomes. We have three tickets this year, with only one kid living at  home, but we often have an extra ticket when that lonely-only decides he has more options than just cheering with Mom and Dad.

There’s a momentum to family events that shifts with the numbers of participants, and is complicated by the ebbing influence parents have on their children’s lives. Our gravitational pull was strong when they were young; we were the center of their world. As friends, studies, jobs, sports, and romance  begin to catch and  hold their attention, we become one of many voices tugging at their time and attention.

There seems to be acceleration, too–the first kids were slow to disengage, siblings providing a little more family stickiness. When the fifth child spun off to pursue his own interests, he seemed to loosen our pull on the  youngest as well. Somehow the idea of family time changed for our baby when it became Mom and Dad focusing on him alone.

It’s game day today, and our youngest is using his ticket–along with an additional one for his girlfriend. We do what we can to keep our place in his world.

Go Bears!

A Gift

One Christmas, I made flannel nightgowns for my four daughters. They were stair-step sizes, the oldest 9, the next 7, then 5, and the youngest 3. The girls loved them and wore them every night. On cold winter mornings, they sat on the heater vents on the floor, waiting for the heater to blow and puff their gowns into little balloons of warmth.

I had chosen an easy pattern, without any buttons or buttonholes, so the neck openings were a little big. On my littlest girl in particular, one side would always slip, falling off her shoulder.

When that littlest girl was 16, the sister closest to her age moved out to go to college. She claimed the newly-vacated room, which had more space and light. Cleaning out the cast-offs she left behind when she changed rooms, I found that little pink nightgown, wadded up in the back of her closet.

I held it up, hem to the floor, trying to picture that little girl, tugging at her pjs to cover up her tiny, soft shoulder. How could she have been so little, this woman-girl with attitude and plans big enough to fill the house? In my heart she’s still that little girl, even when my mind loses track of her in that  grown-up person standing in front of me. This time the nightgown is gift to me, a tangible memory.

I know you’ve heard it so many times–how fast they grow up. We older moms say it because we still can’t believe it. We hope maybe you can learn from our experience,  and make time keep it’s boundaries better, keep it from rushing ahead so fast. 

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